esoteric artist

I get online maybe once in a blue moon lately...

.i feel like i need to apologize or something.

..i feel as if something is expected of me in someway..

.i did have some intentions of making friends with a few people and hopefully get myself to find a balance between creating work, family duties, and taking my work and my story to a bigger community on the internet...

.I feel like that the idea is that we can be more available to one another as people and not the reclusive artist that I have become in my mind. Always usually unavailable to everyone..

..my life is spent on my family and my art work..

...that is the way it is now, in reality, i feel like it is an selfish way to live...

.we must contribute something even more of ourselves to this world for some reason...

.i'm driven to it in one form or another...

.it has always been that way in my life..

...right now, i'm driven for my family....most people are i think...or for themselves...

Isn't that the big split of modern times, that we either put first ourselves or our family or Religion comes into play........I really think I've done all three....then their is the artist side of this life...it's something esoteric....feels like the right word to use...

..the mysterious energy and drive....
and what it does to a basically normal guy...